Oh! Hello, didn’t see you there! I’ve been in the thick of things, and of course by the thick of things I mean fanfiction, commissions, and some strange unexpected events that really bring me cause to reflect. We have family stuff, we have writing, we have SO MUCH editing, we have payments, drama, surprises, nice moments with lovely people, and the fallout of one extremely vitriolic young woman with an unsubstantiated vendetta.
I haven’t been very consistent with this blog, mostly because I foolishly started it back up again when all I have to do is wait for feedback. But I was highly motivated to write today because of circumstances we’ll get into later. I’ll make a better effort to update this thing with details, worldbuilding, and development notes from Blood and Roses. Expect the first on Friday. For now, let’s get into what’s on my mind today.
Crownies and Androids
So, let’s start with the easiest and best bit of news: Those who follow my writings on AO3 will know I already have a Knights of Guinevere fanfic out. So yeah, I watched the premiere live. It was absolutely incredible. GLITCH really outdid themselves with their first 2D production, the mood of the world is palpable. It saturates your throat, sinuses, and mind. It’s moody and gorgeous and tragic. A beautiful world of rampant runaway capitalism spreading across the universe like a disease.
The characters, Frankie and Andi, are marvelous. Full of personality and energy that inspires me. I highly relate to Andi, a tall, tired woman who’s brilliant but often overlooked, and a huge germophobe. She’s just like me fr fr guys:
Y’all have no idea how many times I’ve had to do EXACTLY THIS with partners, friends, acquaintances, and colleagues; coax out some horrible truth or actual crime someone they know got up to. I’m definitely getting ahead of myself there, but I’m just so happy that Dana Terrace is finally allowed to create precisely what she wants. If ever I have the opportunity to write for a show or movie, I’m absolutely going indie.
So. Knights of Guinevere is a great show. So great that I mayyyyy or may not have bought 250+ bucks worth of merch partway through the pilot. It’s inspiring to see a creator I admire making it without massive corporations is encouraging. The show is gonna be good, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.
So, Stalkers?
I have brought it up before, at very least in my first post after the website rework; but I want to talk a bit about it now. I want to elaborate on it now that it’s all (hopefully) over.
For the last two years, my every single online step has been dogged by a stalker. A person who HAAATED me with every fiber of her being, so completely and so obsessively that she would spiral into madness in her desperation to avoid aspects of herself she wasn’t ready to face. Myself, and anyone associated with me, were caught in the crosshairs of this madness; and there was a surprisingly heavy toll to be paid for this.
I’m going to name her as I knew her then, Magic. An interesting chosen name, one that didn’t hint at the troubled young woman within. I met her through mutuals, and she was so excited and friendly to start. She offered endless praise for my work, and yeah I bought it hook, line, and sinker. Who wouldn’t? An aspiring author being told their work is awesome? Yes please. I became friends with her, we talked a lot, a lot a lot. Personal, private thoughts were shared.
I had no idea at the time that she was screen capping all of it. Just in case.
So, what did I do? What is the high crime that setoff the insanity that was to follow? I wrote Edric and Emira smoochin’ and forgot to tag it. All For Fun, the sequel to one of my most successful fanfics to this day. Don’t believe me? Checkout the comments for yourself:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/46400869/chapters/130318927
The aggressive guest commentor is Magic.
This setoff two years of relentless harassment, geolocating, threats, promises to “send me to jail forever” because I thought my ex-sister in law was hot. I still think this btw, she is a looker for sure. Magic brought some friends into the fold, and they all sent just the meanest, worst, nonsensical shit my way; worse still they bullied my friends too.
But Magic wasn’t content, so she got my original twitter banned, then my first website, then my Patreon (Still getting banned from patreon to this day, even if I don’t sign up to be a creator), she terrorized me. She knew what city I lived in. She sent spies into my spaces to surveil me. She spread horrible lies everywhere she could, to the point that people started banning her and exiling her because they were sick of it.
She attacked my livelihood, my reputation, and my friends… all for some fanfiction. She was deranged and I was legitimately terrified of what she’d do if she ever found my address. She’s the reason I was afraid to link my novel to my online identity. I was afraid she’d try very hard to ruin my career.
Notice, I keep saying this stuff in past tense. Because I got a dm from her recently on Tumblr. She apologized. She acknowledged she was in the wrong. She blamed her own insecurities, stating that I was so open and understanding and how she felt threatened by that. A few people have said as much in my life, I’ll never understand why they feel so threatened when I try very hard to be gentle and kind. Anyways, we had a little dialogue, I asked her about alllll the shit I’ve mentioned above, she didn’t deny any of it. She was behind all of it.
Maybe I overshare, maybe this isn’t interesting to you. It’s fine if that’s the case, but maybe someone needs to read this, maybe someone’s a little insecure about themselves. Maybe they like a kink that they’re ashamed of, maybe their home life isn’t great, maybe they were bullied and have a chip on their shoulder. If that’s you, and someone upsets you on the internet, and you want to make them pay…
Don’t do it. It’s not worth it.
It’s not worth the stress, you won’t feel any better afterwards, you’ll still feel helpless; and all you’ll have managed to accomplish is causing someone to sleep with a baseball bat next to their bedside table. You’ll cause fear, sadness, terror, regret, pain, and more; and you’ll still be miserable. It’s not worth it. Let it go, be free from the hate. Focus on doing what you can for yourself, not chasing a women you’ve never met across hell’s half acre of the internet to prove a point you don’t even have.
I’m still dealing with the fallout of her choices, her actions. Many former friends have distanced themselves from me thanks to magic’s threats, some people think I’m evil. I get threats frequently enough that I can never truly rest easy anymore, not when it’s so easy to find people. I think it’s fair to say Magic traumatized me, it was traumatic for her to send a screenshot of a flight to my hometown with a promise of how fast she could be here. It was traumatic to hear second hand lies from friends who had the good sense to reach out to me first when they read them.
It was scary, knowing someone hated me so completely.
But it’s over, hopefully, and I can relax a little more. Focus on creativity a little more. Live life a little more fully again, knowing she’s given up her crusade.
What’s Next?
I’m still waiting on some detailed feedback, but I do have things I can work on for Blood and Roses; this week is mostly gonna be fucking around with the formatting of the manuscript. I want it to be as professional as I can make it, to hopefully up my chances of getting picked up by a publisher. Next up would be incorporating that feedback, and working on a quick “pitch summary” a little blurb about your work to entice the employee going over your submission. Hopefully avoiding winding up on the slush pile (the submissions that don’t IMMEDIATELY grab them go on the slush pile, to be reviewed sometime in the next six months or so) and maybe, just maybe, make a life for myself doing this.
Not oversharing! But writing. I’d love to do it as a proper job.
What happens after publishing, either self or with a firm, I can’t say just yet. But it’ll be exciting either way. Thanks to everyone who supports me, if you ever want to feel free to say hi in the comments or over on my socials. I’m always around.
Take care, and be cautious around people who name themselves Magic.
Until next time <3
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